Right On The Edge

I am right on the edge of something new. Something great. Something that will change everything. I don't quite know how to explain it to everyone I know and love, but beginning January 11th, everything I know and everything I am is going to change.

I have been accepted to be a roadie with Invisible Children for their Spring tour of 2009. For almost five months, I will be spreading awareness and raising support for a cause greater than anything I have previously devoted my life to. At the base of that cause is love. Because of love, IC exists to stop injustice.

I know, from talking to friends of mine who have done this, that it changes everything. I have been told that going back to what you know is virtually impossible. It seems that it is beyond difficult to assimilate back into a society that is either unaware or turns a blind eye to the injustices of the world. Not that I will be some kind of fanatic. Unless maybe I will be.

Whatever the case, I am many things. Exhilirated. Terrified. Refreshed. Eager. Worried. I know that I am where I am supposed to be, and really, who can say that? Not many people that I know. I am fully aware that this will change everything. I think that, for the most part, that will be the best, healthiest thing I can do for myself, but I am a tiny bit concerned about some things that are already good in my life. Will they become less important? I would like to think that they won't, but how will I know until May 26th rolls around and I am suddenly pushed back into my old life? Unless maybe I won't be.

CHRISTMAS!!!

I tried, I really did. Every year, I wait until November 1st to start listening to my favorite kind of music...CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!! But, this year, I cracked. I actually started on October 23rd. But, it's alright. It's close enough to the 1st, right? AT any rate, every year I begin my Christmas music listening experience by playing the ultimate Christmas song...I am of course referring to "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey. Those jingling bells, the trills and runs, the background singers...everything about it is perfect and it always officially kicks off my season.

But, this year, there is also some new Christmas music to add to my ever-growing collection. First and most importantly, Carrie Underwood has released a 5-song Christmas EP, containing classics such as "What Child Is This", "The First Noel", and "Oh Holy Night". She sounds absolutely amazing, of course. Also, Elvis Duets is coming out, featuring old recordings of Elvis' Christmas songs with female singers like Carrie, Martina McBride, Wynonna, Sara Evans, and Amy Grant.

Faith Hill has an amazing Christmas album out that is much closer to the old 40's and 50's Christmas records I love than a Country album. Sixpence None the Richer also has an album out with half Christmas classics, and half new, original Christmas songs.

Nothing in this whole world makes me happier than playing Christmas music in front of the fireplace on a cold, drizzly day with a mug of hot cocoa and a blanket. It is pure bliss. If only I wasn't at work...oh well, my tomato soup and Pandora Christmas station will have to keep me warm til I can get home.

Change

What happens when the people who are supposed to always be there for you suddenly aren't?

What happens when the foolproof plans that you've laid out for your life don't work out as planned?

What happens when the life you've been living isn't enough?

I guess the only choice left is for me to take a huge, dangerous leap into the unknown, hoping I'll fall into something better. I am figuring out that I cannot control what happens to me. I can only control how I react. So, it's time for a different reaction.

100 Things About Me

I haven’t updated this in a VERY long time, but hey, what can you do? Life happens, I suppose. To welcome myself back, I am giving myself something to do that is totally unrelated to my job. Yes, I get paid to work, but I have been finishing projects too early for the past couple of weeks and I need to make my day stretch and last until 5:30, so without further ado, I present…

100 Things About Me

Yes, for those bored brave enough to take a little adventure, please feel free to comment on those that stick out to you. Some are embarrassing. Some are funny. Some are important. At any rate, enjoy and see if you really know me.

1. I have to listen to my radio at odd intervals of volume. For instance, I usually listen to the volume set at 31. If I turn it down, it has to go to 29, not 30, because I am obsessive about it. I don’t know why. I think I even prefer even numbers, but for the sake of volume, they must be odd.
2. If the need is so bad that I absolutely have to use the stall in a public restroom, I cannot leave the stall until the bathroom has cleared. I hate the flush and walk of shame to the sink, when everyone there knows what you just did. I hate it even more when someone does not care at all about taking the walk of shame or about the common sense that you do not make noise of any kind while in a stall. Especially not noises associated with what you are doing!
3. It is really rare that I hear a song that I don’t like. Many people think this means that I don’t know the value of good music, but that is totally untrue. I know, for instance, that Patty Griffin is and forever will be better music than Britney Spears, but sometimes, I just want to escape and dance! I appreciate almost anything with a good melody, good voice, good production, good lyrics, or any combination.
4. I have seen Mean Girls more times than any other movie. Space Jam is a close second.
5. I wear a size 13 shoe.
6. It really bothers me when people don’t use their turn signals.
7. Weather has the strangest effect on me. My perfect day is chilly, overcast, and a bit drizzly. When I first walk outside, if it is weather that pleases me, I will be in a better mood all day. A cool breeze blowing on me can instantly change my attitude. It is very strange.
8. I have really strong legs. Really strong.
9. I think my lips are almost perfectly shaped.
10. I don’t throw up ever. I have maybe thrown up five or six times in my entire life.
11. I don’t really understand the fuss over Bruce Springsteen or U2.
12. I have never seen Titanic or Pretty Woman.
13. Sonic’s ice is a better treat than anything sweet. It is perfect and makes every drink taste better.
14. Christmastime (November1 – December 26) is the time when I come most alive. Everything around me feels okay, even when it is not.
15. I am afraid of not being loved.
16. I think a lot. My brain feels like it is always zig-zagging. I wish I could learn how to quiet my thoughts.
17. I hate seafood.
18. I get upset when I am in the car alone, singing along to a song and I hit a wrong note or venture off pitch. Rare occurrences, but they still bother me. J
19. I get very nervous and anxious when people get called out in front of large groups of people. I have cried for people before because I was so nervous or embarrassed for them.
20. I once cried myself to sleep after watching a really moving episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
21. I find myself making comparisons in my everyday life to things I see and feel from One Tree Hill.
22. I really don’t like text messaging. I realize it is helpful and I am good at it, but it bothers me sometimes.
23. People genuinely fascinate me.
24. I loved school so much. I really miss school supply shopping, studying for tests, going to the library, writing papers, and putting together presentations. I would be a professional student in a heartbeat.
25. I can honestly see the growth in my life from year to year of my life. It is not as much as I wish it was, but it still gives me some satisfaction.
26. I love having a list and checking things off of it once they are accomplished. I have trouble focusing on other things until the list is completely crossed out.
27. My mind constantly wanders and I am often thinking of lyrics that would be good for a song. (How does this reconcile with number 26?)
28. Alanis Morrissette’s “Ironic” has been stuck in my head since I heard it for the first time in 1996 in the barber shop. Probably the catchiest hook of all time.
29. Snow genuinely brings joy to my entire soul.
30. No place makes me more relaxed/reflective as the beach. (Again, how do these go together?)
31. I did not understand any of Geometry. I’m not even sure how I passed it, because it genuinely did not even compute in my brain. I got a B.
32. I find myself defending almost everyone, even if I don’t know them. Maybe Britney was having a really hard day when shaved her head and she just wanted a totally fresh start. Maybe Kelly Clarkson had a cold when she sounded off that one time at halftime.
33. 33 is my favorite number. It was Grant Hill’s basketball number, there are three members of Out of Eden, and it follows me around. Seriously, it is weird how much the number 3 or 33 pops up in my day-to-day life.
34. Out of Eden attended my sixteenth dance birthday party. They stayed for 45 minutes, danced, sang Happy Birthday to me, and recorded a video message. I am forever indebted to Steve Cherrico for this.
35. My magic number of sleep hours is 7. I am still tired after 6 or 8 hours, and of course, I would love to sleep for ten hours every night, but I feel the best after 7.
36. I try not to look at the clock before I go to sleep so I just won’t know how many hours of sleep I get, but I cannot control myself. I have to know.
37. I have cried several times because an album was so good/meaningful and I was proud of the artist/band for doing such a good job (Nickel Creek, Dixie Chicks, Out of Eden, The Swell Season, Kelly Clarkson)
38. I have seen every single episode of all 11 cycles of America’s Next Top Model and can recite to you all the finalists in order of their departure from the show and my favorite picture of them. Same thing with American Idol.
39. My favorite cereal of all time is Golden Grahams.
40. I don’t think there is any color as beautiful as blue. All of its shades are so much prettier than any other color.
41. If I were rich, I would shop at Target every day and drive a 64 and a half dark blue Mustang Convertible.
42. There are only two people I genuinely resent knowing, but even so, they helped me figure out a TON of stuff about myself and I am grateful for that.
43. It is impossible for me to stay mad at people. I hate the feeling of knowing someone is mad at me, so I can’t do it to other people.
44. I could never not be home for any major holiday (Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.)
45. A lot of the people in my life have inspired me in different ways, and I am working on a list of who and how so that if I ever die, someone will hopefully find it and share it with everyone.
46. I get very frustrated with people who aren’t living up to their potential. I realize that I could definitely be doing more with my life too, but some people just make me want to shake them until they realize that they are so much better than the place they are in now.
47. Coffee shops make me feel cozy.
48. I am a really fast reader. I still retain information, but I am much faster than most people. I don’t know why, but I know that I got it from my Mom.
49. My Mom and I also have identical handwriting.
50. There are some people I have lost in my life that I can honestly say I think about every single day.
51. People say that they don’t like to live with regrets, but I’m not sure that’s possible. I don’t walk around focusing on things I messed up, but if I could go back and just change a few things, I definitely would.
52. My favorite superhero is Green Lantern. His powers allowed him to be creative and not have as many limits as Batman or Spiderman.
53. I think Dawn Richard from Danity Kane is one of the best/most underrated singers in the industry.
54. Reese Witherspoon always makes me smile in movies. Always.
55. I won the school-wide Spelling Bee in third grade, but I choked in the first round of Regionals.
56. The lunch lady and I won 2^nd place out of about 50 in a 4-H cookie-baking contest when I was in fourth grade. The questions is, what was I doing hanging out with the lunch lady?
57. The first girl I actually asked out (not a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but a will you go to the dance with me thing) said yes. Her name was Erica McCurley and it was in eighth grade. She was white, but didn’t act like it. Kind of embarrassing. I wanted to ask Amber Haynes, who was black and a lot prettier, but her swagger was a little too intimidating. She had it.
58. When I hear backup singers do really good harmonies, I almost just can’t even handle it. It is literally too much for my ears sometimes and I just shout.
59. I tend to hit the people around me when something amazing happens at a concert or in a movie…and I get amazed pretty easily.
60. I kinda hate the idea of toe socks.
61. I am very rarely cold. Like very rarely…I have come in from playing in the snow and been covered in sweat.
62. People call me by my full name a lot. “Hey, Brandon Palma’s here.” “Brandon Palma, I have not seen you in forever.”
63. I like to always have something to drink nearby.
64. My knuckles get really dry sometimes.
65. I really like playing board/card games.
66. There are certain songs that remind me of certain periods in my life because that is when they first came out and I listened to them incessantly at the time.
67. I miss living in the apartment with Tim, Brian, and Ryan.
68. My sister, Ashleigh has the uncanny ability to make me laugh harder than any human on the entire planet. Period.
69. A night where me and some friends cook dinner, play games, talk, and watch a movie is infinitely more appealing than going out and partying.
70. I am really good cook and drink mixer. It is a natural talent, I dare say.
71. Eagles are my favorite animals for a variety of reasons.
72. Most people might not believe it, but I’m actually a competent rapper. And I write some pretty killer lyrics. I entered a rap battle once with my friend, Casey Chaos once and absolutely slayed the competition. I’m just saying.
73. When I was about 15, I broke my leg while roller-skating. I then fell down the stairs and broke my wrist, so I had the pleasure of being in a wheelchair because I couldn’t use crutches with a broken wrist.
74. I once called 911 because I heard someone in our garage while I was home alone. I didn’t know that my Dad had told my cousin to come get the lawn mower, so the police pointed guns at him and told him to put his hands up. Sorry, Butch.
75. I don’t eat the pink Starbursts.
76. I know exactly what I would sing if I were on American Idol. I even have some of the songs rearranged in my head. Let’s just say it would be a variety. From Keith Urban to Alicia Keys to SWV. It’s so crucial.
77. For some reason, I still feel 16. I do not feel like I am almost 23. It seems so far away.
78. My biggest dream is to create and run a camp called Stargazers for teenagers who come from homes of divorce. I have a business plan written out and everything. Just need the money. Anyone wanna sponsor?
79. I still love Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books. It is so exciting to pick your destiny!
80. I keep everything. I literally have awards that I got in first grade still in my “big blue box”. It also holds every birthday card I have ever received.
81. I love art, but I am a horrible drawer. It actually makes me mad. I do have one oil painting that I did with Cory and Kayla though that I love. And it’s not even really good.
82. I want to visit Maine. I don’t think I know anyone who has ever been there and every picture I have ever seen looks beautiful. Plus, when I was really young, I heard that it is the only state in the continental 48 that has no known breeds of snakes. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but it sounded so good to me as a little boy.
83. I’m pretty sure Heaven is gonna be a lot more amazing than what most people think.
84. I am over-analytical. I analyze pretty much everything people say and do to the brink of insanity. I don’t know how to stop.
85. I always check behind the shower curtain when I go in the bathroom. I don’t know what I will do if I ever discover someone in there waiting for me, but I will NOT be the victim of a sneak attack.
86. Sometimes I practice being completely still and quiet in case someone is ever in the same room as me, looking for a victim. Like I said, I ain’t trying to be attacked. I am so ready.
87. From about the ages of 10 – 14, I constantly carried a backpack on my back. I had everything in it. My CD’s, my Bible, toiletries in case I wanted to spend the night somewhere, a change of clothes. I’m serious. I was a prepared guy.
88. I have to start my holiday season on November 1^st by listening to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas”.
89. I love to be surprised. An unexpected gift, taking me somewhere blindfolded, all of it. Don’t even get me started on surprise parties. I love them!
90. My professor was explaining OCD in Psychology class. Everyone was laughing or saying how weird the symptoms were. I did not find them funny or strange in any way.
91. My DVD collection is not only alphabetized, but the Music DVDs have their own alphabetized section within the whole collection.
92. The Swell Season concert at the Ryman Auditorium was the single most amazing musical experience I have ever had. I’ve never felt anything like it in my entire life.
93. I get embarrassed when I get my hair cut because of the mole on my neck.
94. Nothing makes me quite as happy as stargazing, especially when it’s cold. I even have a stargazing mix on my iPod.
95. Even though he is kind of the same in every role, I have never disliked a movie with Morgan Freeman in it.
96. I miss Rosie O’Donell’s talk show.
97. I have had a crush on one person for over eleven years and have never told her.
98. I think I could do all of Ryan Seacrest’s jobs well.
99. My Dad is the hardest working person I know.
100. I am very hopeful. So many things have threatened to break that but somehow, it has survived, even when I thought it had not.

To True Love

You know that feeling when you can’t help but smile when you see or think about a certain person? It’s one of my favorite feelings. It usually happens when you meet someone new and interesting and attractive. But, you know when it’s even better? When you haven’t seen someone in a really long time and you forget just how happy they can make you. There really is something special about your first love. Something about a summer night always makes it feel ten times better, but here’s to the hope of finding someone that brings the smile to your face, no matter the weather. No matter the time or the place or the circumstances. Here’s to true love.

More To It All

I want to matter. I want to make a difference. Surely, I was made for more than just to have fun with friends and family. Don’t get me wrong, that’s amazing. I am so blessed. I have a good life. But, I want a great life. When I look inside, I am excited. I like what I see. God gave me amazing gifts. I have a huge heart. I have a great capacity for love and empathy. But, when I see my reflection, I hate who I see. I want to change. It is so hard, but I owe it to myself. I need to learn to love myself enough to make the changes I know I need to make.

I am not who I was. I am daring and adventurous. I am a lover and a fighter. I love the outdoors. I want to love and be loved. I want to make music. I am honest and forthright. I am open and kind to all. I look and leap at the same time. I give of myself and I love myself enough to find friends who give of themselves to me.

Doesn’t it get old? Don’t the vapid fillers ever feel tired? Don’t our hearts find slivers of truth and latch onto them, only to replace them with heaps of the meaningless? Are our questions ever answered? Do we even want to really know?

This life is so strange and beautiful and fragile and brutal. We so greatly need to face it every day to our fullest capacity. There is no time left for ordinary days. Even our relaxation should be great.

Is love really enough? Do purpose and meaning, those rare finds for which we all strive, actually come to those who search long enough?

I will find out. I will be able to say I tried. I tried everything. I made mistakes. I triumphed. I failed. I excelled. I gave. I took. I lived…It is time

Keep Your Eyes Open,
Brandon

New Singles of Note (02.04.08)

Well, here is a breakdown of new singles I think you should hear.

Carrie Underwood - How Great Thou Art (Live)
http://wm.allaccess.com/allaccess/carrhowg.wma

I don't think it gets any better than that. Incredible!


Onerepublic - Stop and Stare
http://youtube.com/watch?v=5o3ao8iguJg

The guys behind "Apologize" show another side and I love it.


Danity Kane - Damaged
http://youtube.com/watch?v=kUtFdU0MwIo

The band that Diddy made grows some legs with a hot dance pop song.

Jesse McCartney - Leavin'
http://youtube.com/watch?v=kn97nyhPceE

A total departure from Disney pop to Chris Brown-esque Hip-Pop that shows a creatively refreshed McCartney. Interesting and original with a great melody.


So, that's what's up. What do you think?

Keep your eyes open,
Brandon

Heath, Oscars, and more

Well, this was quite a day.

Heath Ledger was found dead today in his apartment. This is obviously very sad news. He was quite an actor and had a long career in front of him. Life is beyond fragile and every single second matters.

Also, Oscar nominations were announced today. I have actually seen many of this year's nominated films, like "Atonement", "No Country for Old Men", "Ratatouille", "The Bourne Ultimatum", and "Once". Going to see "There Will Be Blood" on Wednesday and I will post a review.

I also have reviews coming for new albums fron Natasha Bedingfield and Jon Foreman, so be on the lookout for those. Sorry for not updating faithfully, but I will fix that.

And, last but definitely not least, please find the time to read "The Shack" by William Young. It is more than life-changing. I can't even express to you how important it is for anyone with any questions about God. Obviously, it does not answer them all, but it points to a way to have them all answered, an actual relationship with God. Not at all like we have been taught. It challenged everything I have ever believed and it was amazing.

Keep Your Eyes Open,
Brandon