Opportunities

What a month!  The Summer tour has been remarkably different than the Spring tour in pretty much every way.  It is not as organized, because it is our first one and school is not in session.  It is much more driving (we are usually in 2 different states each day).  The screenings are not as big as school ones because we are going to summer camps, churches, hair schools, etc.  Also, this little event called Lobby Days was smack dab in the middle of our second week of tour.  And when I say little, I of course mean that it was the 2 absolute most draining days I have experienced in 23 years. 

So, with all of this in mind, it's been strange to try and process my life.  I will be very happy to return home.  I miss my family and friends and it will be nice to try and find a bit of stability again (you know, like sleeping in the same place every night, having a bed, or not driving 4 hours to every next destination).  Also, I will be home in time for Fall and Winter, which are perfect in Tennessee, in my opinion.  However, this roadieship has been the single most amazing experience of my life.  I was talking to my good friend, Kristen the other day and she reminded me to enjoy every second of this experience because it will all be over in a month.  That is SUCH a strange thought.  It is pretty much all I have known for the entire duration of 2009.

I am dealing with a lot, personally.  I am ferociously wrestling with my personal demons, which seem to surface stronger and with greater clarity every day.  I would like to think this is a part of growth, though.  I look at my teammates and I am amazed.  I don't deserve these two amazing women in my life.  The three of us are so young and we have the weight of the world on our shoulders.  We are dealing with ridiculous things at home.  We deal with extremely high stress every day.  Oh, and we are attempting to change the world too.  

But...

We are also in love with life.  We spend much more time laughing, singing, dancing, swimming, reading, and learning than we do moping or being flustered.  I was doing my best to have a bit of personal meditation/prayer/retain-my-sanity time this morning and I heard these words in my head.  "Every day is a new opportunity to be a little better than you were the day before."  This is nothing earth-shattering or groundbreaking, but it really pierced my heart.  I just want to try and be better every single day.  I want to serve my incredible  teammates in every way I can.  I want to work on the worst parts of myself and make them not so awful.  I want to use each day as a chance to make someone's life a little better.

I guess we are a bit of a dichotomy.  Or maybe I just read too much into things.  Either way, I know that I am grateful for those people in my life who attempt to help me become better.  People like Kristen, who tell me to suck it up and enjoy all that I have.  People like Heather and Britta, who are brilliant examples of dealing with hardship and moving on.  People like my parents and siblings, who remind me constantly that I am loved and needed.

I guess if you have time, send some prayers and positive thoughts my way.  I need help mentally..and spiritually...and financially.

I love you all.  

Keep Your Eyes Open,

Brandon

The Ugly Truth

Greetings all,

I am writing my first blog post of Summer Tour.  It is hard to believe that the last time I blogged, it was on my couch at home and now I am in Ohio, on my way to Delaware with the team.  I am reunited with Heather again and joined by Britta, an amazing former roadie with an infectious spirit and a slight Boston accent.  Also, Brandon, one of the art department interns, has joined us for our ride from coast to coast.  We have already had so much fun, covered a LOT of ground, and seen people that I have missed dearly.  We have laughed, eaten too much fast food, and made new friends.  (I miss you, Team Canada).  Jason, one of the filmmakers, declared this as the Summer of Love Tour 09.  Interesting, to say the least...

Tour has started very strangely for me.  I was so excited and ready to get back on the road and in two short (loooong) days, I have already begun to see the ugliest parts of myself.  Tour has a tendency to bring that side out in you and you can either face it and deal with it, or ignore it and make your teammates hate you.  I was able to deal with it for the most part in the Spring, but it came at an even pace.  Experiencing this right from the beginning has been strange and such a challenge.  The main things I keep feeling bubble up are unreasonable pride and selfishness.  I guess we are all proud and selfish to a degree, but it has been intense enough to cause a fair amount of straight up bitter thoughts, for absolutely no reason.  I am not sure why this is all surfacing so fast, but I am trying my hardest to deal with it and not let it fester or hide.  I have every reason to be happy, excited, and full of life right now, but my soul just feels heavy and tired.  I am doing what I can to combat this.  Sorry if this is a bit gloomy, but I want to be transparent.  I hope this is one of those times where I am on the edge of a breakthrough and this is just the end of something I have to push through.  We will see.

In about a week, I will be in DC, talking with Senators and members of Congress, explaining to them why they should vote for the LRA Disarmament and Northern Uganda Recovery Act of 2009.  It's crazy how far we have come.  

With Hope,

Brandon